


The Beginning and the.......   Beginning

by nevercameagain



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angelic Essence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crowley Takes Care of Aziraphale (Good Omens), Falling In Love, Guilt, Heartbreak, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Secret Marriage, Separations, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Tattoos, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:13:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23935150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevercameagain/pseuds/nevercameagain
Summary: Benjamin and Raphael (later to become Aziraphale and Crowley) are clandestinely married as youths but then are separated.  Each has received a tattoo of a wing on his hand in the wedding ceremony.  Will they find each other again?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Benjamin/Raphael
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	The Beginning and the.......   Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Benjamin (Aziraphale before he was Aziraphale, Guardian of the Eastern Gate):  
> Benjamin’s being is one of light and love, grace and joy at whatever he is doing. Everyone is attracted to this light. This darling has rings of curly sandy colored hair and a cherub face. 
> 
> Raphael (Crowley before he was Demon Crowley, Tempter of Mankind):  
> Raphael is puzzled at things and rather than accepting them for face value, he wants to know how they are put together. He is always looking for how and why. This constant seeking does not allow his glow to shine through (as Benjamin’s does). He is lean and his outstanding feature is a shock of red auburn hair. 
> 
> On creation of the offspring: There is a quarterly meeting of the council and the agenda includes deciding on the number of new beings to be manifested this quarter. They, the new beings (children), appear in the infant level of the orbit the next day as a result of everyone’s collective thought manifesting.  
> Of course, ethereal beings do not age once they reach adult status; however, they can (and do) change in appearance. This could be due to events in their experience affecting them and/or if they are appointed a certain mission.  
> All of the new creations grow and live together in an atmosphere allowing for developing their individual traits until they receive their assignment. They are grouped by “age.” From 1 to 5 being level one, 6 – 11 being level 2, 12 – 16 being level three. Then off to an apprenticeship.

When Benjamin is 13 and Raphael is 14, they are both in level 3. They had been in the same level at other times and knew each other very well. But this time something has changed -- they realize they are profoundly in love and openly confess this to each other. All of their friends (in their level) are very much aware of their intense attraction and bond, and it seems so normal to the others that they really don’t think anything about it.

Several months after this open mutual affirmation, Benjamin and Raphael write to the council asking permission to marry. 

The council explains that this cannot happen as no one may marry until they have received their identity assignment. So, things continue then as they had been, teenagers (so to speak) all hanging out everyday in splendorous activity and growth. THEN, there is a decision among all the level 3 “kids” to go ahead and, on their own, perform the ceremony of marriage between Benjamin and Raphael. 

The ”kids” prepare for a quiet, peaceful, devout ceremony in the woods. Benjamin and Raphael express their undying and eternal love for each other. And instead of exchanging rings, the newlyweds are each tattooed with a tiny pair of outspread wings on the palm of their hands – Raphael on his left hand and Benjamin on his right hand. The marriage is finalized with a semi long embrace and token kiss. Over the next several years, they explore intimacy. 

When Raphael is 16, it is time for him to begin specific “job” training. Although the “boys” are torn inside to be separated, they know that it is temporary The last night before Raphael is to leave, he and Benjamin consummate their marriage (in the way of celestial beings).

Having a deeply creative mind, Raphael is sent to be on the “Star” Team where he learns how to work with light and manifest stars and them in the endless sky. He finds the work to be very satisfying and enjoyable.

Raphael returns fairly frequently on trips back from “school.” On one of these, the boys are discovered in the act of love making which isn’t against the rules but… it is revealed that they are married and this had been forbidden. . 

As they are taken (immediately) from each other, they vow to remain celibate til they find each other again. 

********

Raphael is taken to an intense evaluation station where he is constantly watched and frequently he is tethered at the ankles to keep him from slipping away to look for Benjamin. At night he quietly sobs until the refuge of sleep overtakes him. Being so despondent that he has no taste for food, he basically stops eating. He is distraught over wondering what happened to Benjamin. Did he get sent away as well? The administrators of the facility are routinely replaced and over the decades Raphael is aware that the eyes on him begin to ease up. He decides to use this new mobility to his advantage and becomes a star pupil in the dark arts and over time begins to be promoted to trustworthy positions. By the time the post of “tempter” (in the garden) opens up, he is a likely candidate.

Over the centuries the longing to be reunited with Benjamin never ceases even though Raphael can scarcely remember exactly how he looked – only the light and joy that he emanated. It is difficult for him to look at the wings on his hand as they only bring pangs of longing. Raphael develops a cynical attitude along with a nonchalance that is disarming. His hair has darkened over the centuries to a deep auburn. At the time of his appointment as “Tempter of Eden,” his hair is quite long and falls in heavy curls. With this appointment, his name is changed to Demon Crowley, Tempter of Mankind. And being promoted to this position, he is awarded a pair of sleek, black wings. With the profuse auburn curls and the wings, he is a most striking figure. 

The night before he is to go to the garden, one of his superiors, who has always found Raphael to be devastatingly good looking, comes to his room and wants to have his way with him. Raphael explains that he is celibate. The superior is not pleased and tries to take Raphael who repels the advances. The superior is furious and curses Raphael saying that when he arrives in Eden, he will be in the form of a snake and he will have bronze/gold snake eyes with black slits. He will be able to change his form back once he has completed his tempting task but he will always have the bronze/gold eyes and a forked tongue no matter what his form. Who could ever find this snake/demon attractive? And, indeed when Crowley (Raphael) arrives in the garden the following day, he is in the form of a giant python. 

*********

Benjamin had been whisked off to a convent with the hope that he would develop his intrinsic angelic qualities. Even though he is no longer a virgin (as is generally a prerequisite for an angel) it was very much accepted that he had been “taken advantage of” by the older boy Raphael. The convent is a place of serenity, comfort and encouragement. Benjamin is tasked with learning the “rules” of being an angel and is mentored in the use of his light and grace for healing purposes. But, like Raphael, Benjamin feels a consuming longing that lingers just behind his eyes. In fact, he begins to question the meaning of love. He is heartbroken and over the centuries begins to experience guilt – thinking that it was his fault that Raphael had wanted him. No matter how far he progresses in the angelic arena -- the guilty feeling does not go away, but rather increases with each season. He is a bundle of conflicted emotions which takes its toll by causing him to pull away from anyone who wants to work with or befriend him. This constant conflict has caused his hair to go completely white. 

Because of his pure desire to do the right thing, Benjamin is always sought after for advice and eventually is advanced to the status of Principality. With this promotion, Benjamin’s name is changed to Aziraphale and he is awarded a pair of pristine white wings. He is truly an angel now. 

As the idea of Eden is being brought to completion, the heads of the project are seeking possible appointees for the open positions. Aziraphale is interviewed for one of these spots and is offered the post of Guardian of the Eastern Gate which is very prestigious. Thinking this change of scenery (so to speak) would be good for his aching soul, he readily accepts the offer. On the eve of his departure to Eden, he is presented with a flaming sword. This seems fairly unnecessary to Aziraphale, who prefers to solve every concern with love. He accepts the sword however, thinking that it might be useful one day.

********

First meeting on the wall:

Aziraphale doesn’t look directly at the entity next to him as it is his habit to avoid personal interaction. He however, can’t help but notice the very strange eyes of this creature. Aziraphale pauses wondering if there might also be something remotely familiar about this Demon, but the eyes throw him off. 

Crowley on the other hand, understands why this or any angel might not want to look him “in the eye.” After all, with the golden/yellow eyes, he must look very bizarre to others. As he looks at Aziraphale, he can’t help but be attracted to the pure light he emits. 

As the years (centuries) go by, these two celestial beings are often at the same place at the same time and eventually look forward to running into each other – it never occurs to either of them that in this remote place (Earth) they would find anyone from former times – let alone their soul mate. Yet, there is always something, a hint…..

It was in Rome (Crowley wearing a variation of sun glasses) and Aziraphale is actually approaching Crowley directly for the first time of which we are aware -- offering to tempt Crowley with oysters. But before actually seeing Aziraphale, Crowley hears Aziraphale talking behind him. Wait? That voice. Oh! the memory of someone, a time too long ago to be real bursts into his head. He accepts the offer of oysters because he is suddenly MAD to see Aziraphale’s hand. OMG.!! Or OMSatan! 

Now what? Trembling, Crowley goes blank, short circuits and can’t think straight. He has dreamt so many times of when he would see his darling husband again but this was not any of those visions. What if Benjamin (Aziraphale) has forgotten him? How could his darling lover ever be attracted to a demon with snake eyes? This was an angel. All Crowley can think of is those soft kisses that they had shared so many centuries ago and the bliss of their becoming one. But…. He dare not reveal who he is or make any hint in that direction. He needed time. He needed a plan. He thought he might discorporate in that moment of discovery. 

The relief of knowing that his darling was still alive gave Crowley a new meaning for existence. He would focus on protecting Aziraphale to the degree that he could. Crowley wanted at this moment to not take his eyes off of Aziraphale – to watch his every gesture, try to read his face, to hear his voice. Search those clear blue eyes for any hint of.. of…. “Oh, please don’t let me lose him again.” But… Crowley realized that he didn’t actually have Aziraphale. Could he try to be friends with Aziraphale just so he could be near the angel? Or… might that drive Crowley to discorporate. Then, they were both called away for work. When would Crowley see Aziraphale again?

*******

And, yes, a relationship does begin to develop over the next centuries. Aziraphale is completely unaware that Crowley is his husband. Crowley takes solace in that he is able to spend time with Aziraphale and actually help and protect him. Crowley has convinced Aziraphale to have a working “arrangement” with him. Crowley feels waves of hope that someday, Aziraphale might, on his own, be somehow attracted to this demon. 

And as Aziraphale does become more and more attracted to his demon friend, he feels extreme guilt and is desperately conflicted, remembering his vow to remain true to his husband. Aziraphale is terrified that he has fallen (not from heaven, but FOR Crowley) and this causes him to constantly try to push Crowley away. As the last hours come before Armageddon , they both turn their energies to saving the world. 

After Aziraphale’s and Crowley’s trials, while they are still in each others’ bodies, Aziraphale spots the wings tattoo on his hand as Crowley! He is so accustomed to seeing the wings that he thinks nothing of it until…. Realizes the wings are on the left hand!! Wait!? If this is actually Crowley’s body, then…. OMG. “ Can Crowley know that I am….?”

********

After dinner, Aziraphale is uncharacteristically quiet as they walk to the bookstore.

They have finished several bottles of wine. Crowley’s sunglasses are on the table beside the loveseat. Aziraphale, is sitting across from him trying to maintain his composure:

Aziraphale: Crowley, dear, I need to bring up something.

Crowley: Yes, Angel?

Aziraphale: Uh, hem,… while I was in your body, I became aware of something I had somehow never noticed before….

Crowley: (suspiciously curious) Whatever are you talking about, Angel?

Aziraphale stands in front of Crowley and, trembling, takes his hands and turns them palms up. Aziraphale holds Crowley’s left hand in his left hand and turns his own right hand showing his tattoo. He kneels to be level with Crowley and presses his right palm into Crowley’s left palm. 

Their eyes lock searching through centuries of longing and pain. 

Aziraphale: Raphael (in a barely audible whisper), how long have you known? 

Crowley: It was in Rome with the oysters but I was terrified that you would have forgotten or not be able to love a demon. 

A they fall into each other’s arms:

Aziraphale: Don’t ever let me go.”


End file.
